Walking the path of discernment: from chaos to clarity

My friend calls it the “D” word. 

I talk about discernment frequently, as an inherent part of my life. My friend, who is not that familiar with it, would say, “Oh, you are talking about that ‘d’ word again.” I discern frequently, both with small daily occurrences and large life-changing choices. What makes this thing better than that? Why do I do this instead of something else? 

When I was a Quaker as a young adult, I often “waited in the Light” for “Way to open.” Sometimes this would be alone in silence, other times it was talking with others in a clearness committee. Now as a Franciscan sister in mid-life the process is similar. I pray in Adoration waiting for God to move me.  I journal. I talk to my sisters, friends, and family. I seek guidance from my spiritual director, my counselor, and groups of sisters and our partners. Underneath it all is the search for the Spirit of God to make one way clearer than another. 

One of the major discernments in my life was whether to become Catholic. After growing up as a Quaker I met some Catholic sisters and felt a strong pull to consider becoming Catholic. The decision felt big. It also seemed messy. The faiths seemed so different and I felt pulled toward both. How was God directing me? What was the “right” choice? 

I prayed. I wrote copiously in my journal. I talked to my best friends and my family. I went to Catholic mass and Quaker meetings each weekend trying to see where I was called. I asked the Quakers to help me decide. They, wisely, appointed a clearness committee. The elders chose the members, who were  all ex-Catholics. They said that these people would best understand what the choice was about.  The clearness committee asked good questions and helped me hear myself more distinctly. 

Meanwhile, I joined RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) at the local Catholic Parish. Through these weekly meetings for a year, I learned about the history, theology, faith, and practice of the Catholic Church. I also participated in a year-long volunteer program where I lived with Catholic sisters and served in a Catholic school. Surely, this would make it clear. Instead, I left with more questions than answers.  

At the end of the year, I decided not to become Catholic. I couldn’t find clarity. I had too many questions. This discernment stuff was messy! So, I moved to a Quaker intentional community and taught at a Quaker school. 

God was not done with me. Through several more years of deeply listening to God, my own thoughts, and those around me, the Spirit moved. I eventually joyfully became Catholic and then a few years later joined the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration . I felt at home. I felt more myself.  

Now as a spiritual director at the Franciscan Spirituality Center I spend a lot of time journeying with folks through discernment. We often think we are choosing between a bad and a good, when most of the time we are actually deciding between a good and a good. Both paths will bear good fruit, so where is God leading me? Confusion and doubts creep in. 

Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, talked frequently about discernment. One of his suggestions is to imagine you are on your deathbed, looking back on your life. Imagine what you would like to see and whether this decision would matter at all. He also suggests looking at pro and con lists. Sometimes this can bring great clarity. 

I first heard Diane Millis describe an essential movement of Ignatius’ perspective on discernment: drawn versus driven. Drawn is what we feel when we are being brought toward God. The feeling is often gentle, peaceful, and affirming. Something feels right. Driven is when we are being moved away from God. This is usually more tumultuous. Anxiety, fear, and attachments rule the day. When a client is trying to figure out which way to go in life, these two movements of drawn and driven can be  helpful to see where the Spirit is moving. 

It also helps to know yourself. We all have a preferred way of making a choice. Sometimes we need to lean into our natural gifts and sometimes we need to try a new way of looking at our choice. In The Way of Discernment: Spiritual Practices for Decision Making, Elizabeth Liebert provides exercises for seven different modes of decision making. She suggests a variety of avenues to really see where Spirit is leading. We can use our memory, intuition, the body, imagination, reason, the perspective of nature, or our feelings. Each of these bring a special gift, and some of them may be more natural to us than others. I suggest Liebert’s book if you want to dig into some of these modes more deeply. 

For the five years in which I was discerning whether to become a Catholic, I think I used every mode of discernment possible: walking in the forest, my feelings, my body and intuition, my dreams, and yes, also reason and my memories. I probably talked to everyone I knew. I searched externally and internally. I prayed and waited, and then waited again. It was often confusing and no way seemed like the right way. Yet, when I finally made the choice I felt at home, I felt peace. And because this is life, then a new path of discernment opened up before me. 

If you are in the middle of a confusing discernment, know you are not alone. God is there in the midst of the turmoil. Spirit has gifted us with so many good gifts in our feelings, hearts, and minds to decide. We are also blessed with companions on the journey to help us see more clearly. Bringing spiritual practices into the heart of our decision making can help chaos to become a path to clarity. 

Read more by this author and more about discernment at our website.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sarah Hennessey is a Franciscan Sister of Perpetual Adoration based in La Crosse, Wisconsin. She grew up in North Carolina as an active Quaker and became Catholic in 2000. For her, Jesus’ messy business includes falling in love with Christ AND with the People of God! Her heart is on fire for her Franciscan community, poetry and singing and accompanying people through birth, death and the living that comes in between. She currently ministers as a spiritual director at Franciscan Spirituality Center in La Crosse.