A complicated patriotism

Years ago, during a Fourth of July parade, I had a panic attack. Fresh back to the United States after studying abroad for six months and foggy with jet lag, I felt dizzy and overwhelmed among the swarm of white people speaking English, waving flags, eating candy and donned in red, white and blue.

Then a float went by that showed an Uncle Sam character punching down a man with brown skin. At the sight of it, people near me laughed and cheered. I got physically ill. My stomach squirmed and I felt like I could vomit, while my head and heart raced with discomfort. Breathing became difficult. I choked out some words to my younger sister and Mom, who could see that I was not OK and did their best to calm me down, to help me relax. I didn’t have to go to the hospital, but I was scarred by the intense experience: I was uncertain if I would ever again feel comfortable with patriotism, if I would ever again be totally proud for being American.

In the early days of this blog, I wrote about my resistance to patriotism and the glorification of military culture. I re-read these pieces recently, and felt a bit embarrassed (it’s a bit too preachy and full of rant for my current tastes, and oh my word, why didn’t I capitalize my titles in those days?! Also, apparently, these themes were on my mind a lot in 2011.)

loving Jesus, not the nation (May 30, 2011)
some non-patriotic flag day thoughts (June 14, 2011)
This land is whose land? (July 4, 2011)

I felt reluctant about resurfacing these old posts here and now, because some of my views have changed and I don’t like writing and sharing things that may be divisive anymore (there’s enough of that being published now.) I don’t want to disrespect veterans who have risked their lives for others and continue to need healing, prayerful support. I definitely don’t want to dishonor anyone who has died, especially on behalf of others.

Yet I decided that it might still be worthwhile for me to share those old posts and to write about this topic again, because the general sentiment still remains true: my love of God and the cross will always be greater than my love for the United States and as long as this nation’s policies and practices continue to hurt the poor, perpetuate violence and increase the wealth gap, I am not likely proud to be an American. I don’t believe any of us should blindly love our nation without question, struggle or critique; I am concerned about how easily our country can become idolized if we are not careful.

I really like what Fr. James Martin S.J. wrote in this reflection from last year about the ways that the celebration of any nation should not be elevated above the worship of God and all that God has done for us:

Our country is not our savior. Our country did not rise from the dead. What’s more, our country is not going to be judging us in the afterlife. I always think of the lines from the Book of Isaiah:

Even the nations are like a drop from a bucket,/ and are accounted as dust on the scales … All the nations are as nothing before him;/ they are accounted by him as less than nothing and emptiness (Is 40:15-17).

Photo credit: Freeimages.com

The truth is, patriotism is very complicated for me; it is not a black and white matter. I am certainly benefiting from our nation’s complicated and violent history; I enjoy many comforts of being a citizen of one of the wealthiest and most powerful nations, and I am not ungrateful for the privileges. I want to share the riches. Every day I enjoy and appreciate my freedoms of religion and press, freedoms others have sacrificed greatly to maintain.

I appreciate how Christopher R. Altieri put it in his recent piece for America “We have to remember our national sins on Independence Day–but without despair”:

… many of my fellows in citizenship, from this generation and from those before, and even some who suffered grave and protracted injustice from the United States, nevertheless have refused to drink from the cup of bitterness and despair. Feeling myself blessed in America — not least by their example — I eschew the cup as well.

In any case, my love of America has never been the result of fantastic or blinkered esteem. Our history is rife with examples of our failures to live up to our commitments. We must face those failures in this and every generation squarely and without stint. I learned that from America, too.

Years ago, when I still was very short and had buck teeth, I sang “God Bless the USA-I am Proud to be an American” with gusto in a gymnasium with my young classmates, loud and proud, with props and hand motions; I think we were in fourth grade. I still know the song quite welland frequently catch myself humming it this time of year around Independence Day.

But now, if I find myself making any patriotic musiceven half-heartedlyI assure you that deep down the song is more lament than celebration, more prayer than pride.

I am a citizen in God’s kingdom more than I am citizen of the United States. My loyalty is to Christ and the Gospel mission. While many Americans will be celebrating their freedoms, I don’t believe I am free while many of my brothers and sisters in Christ suffer from the experiences of being detained and shackled by the bonds of poverty and violence. Their experiences of injustice eats at any freedom offered to me.

Let us pray and labor for the day when Jesus’ words can be true for all of us, no matter what nation we are part of; let us follow Jesus and create a society where this is what we see:

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

because he has anointed me

to bring glad tidings to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives

and recovery of sight to the blind,

to let the oppressed go free,

and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.”

-Luke 4:18-19

 

some non-patriotic flag day thoughts

"flag over building" By Julia Walsh, FSPA

I am unpatriotic.  I don’t like flag day or other patriotic celebrations.  I feel like I am repeating myself a little, because I have written about this before (see my comments in this post, especially), but I dislike patriotism. I really, really do. I dislike patriotism so much that it sometimes makes me sick to my stomach. Seriously!

I am not unique for my questions about the tension about between the flag and the cross. A Busted Halo blogger wrote about it today too.

What’s with my dislike of the flag?  I think that it was the peace educator Coleman McCarthy who originally woke me up to how the flag doesn’t fit with the Gospel when I heard him speak about peace while I was on a college service trip to Washington DC.

I remember that Coleman McCarthy boldly acknowledged that no young person should have to choose between the flag and the cross, as they are opposites.  In our culture, though, it seems we glorify both, equally.  We even put the flag right next to the cross by the altar in the front of churches!

The flag has become a symbol of freedom caused by violence.  On the other hand, the cross is a symbol of freedom of caused by nonviolence.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I am a woman of the Gospel.  Sure, I am an American, and I appreciate the freedoms of our democracy.  I am grateful that I have the freedom to publicize these non-patriotic views, for example!  The reality, though, is that my freedom comes from God.  Although I may have more courage to be expressive of my views in this nation, I suspect I would still be vocal about God and the Gospel no matter where I am, and no matter what trouble it might get me in.  But, I am much more loyal to my faith than my country.  I believe that God will love me no matter where I am, no matter what.

I have major concerns about how many Americans turn to the flag and nationalism as a source for comfort and strength in times of turmoil.

I would rather everyone would turn exclusively to the cross, the True source of freedom.  Or, even better, Jesus, Love Incarnate.

p.s. I know this is radical and challenging stuff.  I’ve learned that a trouble about having a message is that people may become uncomfortable and offended, because values are tied to emotions.   Know that I still love you, even if we disagree. Peace!!

loving Jesus, not the nation

It’s Memorial Day in the USA.  Many people have hung flags with pride and celebrated soldiers like saints.

I’m different. I’ve been humming a non-patriotic song..   Every day I remember the sin and horror of war and cry out to God for forgiveness and conversion.  Today is no different. I pray in thanksgiving for the non-violence of the cross and remember the many non-violent, civil-disobedient martyrs who have helped me know the real peace of Christ.  Like the non-patriotic song says, Jesus Christ is the only thing that freedom means to me!

“Anthem” by Five Iron Frenzy

A nation stands with heart in hand

To sing their anthem proudly

Voices raised to sing their praise

Of their hollow country

All this talk of freedom

And some talk of liberty

From your plastic podium

You try and convince me

I can’t fall anymore

For some silver-tongued song

Your freedom isn’t free

So let me say what freedom means to

I can’t see red, white, and blue waving in the air

I don’t hear the bombs bursting and I don’t even care

I’m sorry for my lack of faith I’m not the greatest patriot

If this is all there is to freedom I don’t want it

I can’t fall anymore

For some silver-tongued song

Your freedom isn’t free

So let me say what freedom means to

Pushing us a drug that you call freedom and democracy

Promise us that selfishness is the means for happiness

I burned that bridge so long ago that I can hardly see

Anything but solace in what freedom means to me

I can’t fall anymore

For some silver-tongued song

Freedom isn’t free

So let me say what freedom means to

It cannot mean to serve ourselves

That doesn’t mean a thing

It doesn’t mean to give the license

To seek ourselves in anything

That would be slavery to ourselves it isn’t free

Jesus Christ, the only thing that freedom means to me.