The Necessary Mess of Community Building 

It was gorgeous, warm Spring weather here last Saturday and my restless body was ready to soak in the sun, to explore the woods and search for opening buds. Yet, I sat inside a stuffy dining room at a community meeting most of the day to prepare for our upcoming assembly (a significant meeting for us). And, I was in meetings with sisters the day before and the next day too. 

Before I entered the convent, I didn’t imagine that approximately half of my life would be spent sitting at tables and hearing what others have to say. Before my Christian faith formed a conviction in me that community building is central to Gospel living, I figured that most of my adult Christian life would be a mix of service and prayer, that those activities would be good enough.

It turns out that loving God and neighbor starts with loving those who are nearest, loving those we share life with. To build God’s reign we must build loving communities. 

And building loving communities takes a lot of meetings: house meetings, committee meetings, one-on-one meetings, whole community meetings. We invest a lot of time and energy in meetings because the trials of listening, sharing, learning, and working together deepens our relationships, our bonds. 

As I said, it’s about loving our neighbors, and real love requires availability and generosity. To love is to know. Love is really key. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” So I try to focus on love instead of what I envision when I am in all the meetings. 

Yes, there’s more than meetings: prayer, parties, games, outings, shared adventures. Sharing a meal with others is ordinary holiness, I figure, and I am glad it’s part of my daily life in the cozy apartment with the two other Sisters I live with, and along with the more than sixty other sisters on the block. Plus, it’s actually a relief that I don’t have to do all the cooking and chores. It’s a grace that we share the labor and the loads of daily living. We say yes to being together, to enjoying one another’s company and laughing. Sometimes community building is fun, but most of the time it’s all-consuming. Even so, community building is always worthwhile.

We say yes because we know that Gospel living is rooted in community life: we are the Church when we’re united together. Our faith tradition insists that we build community too. 

We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works. We should not stay away from our assembly, as is the custom of some, but encourage one another. -Hebrews 10:24-25

I understand and value all this, but if I am honest, I can admit that as much as I love and believe in it, there are days when I would simply rather not. There are days when I am lazy, when I’d rather isolate myself. There are times when I am irritable and it’s really challenging to be around people because I feel so on edge. It’s messy to be part of a community, to help the community grow and develop in healthy ways, when we all seem to cycle through bad moods, exhaustion, and brokenness at different times. It’s inevitable that we will each be misunderstood or rejected at some point. Without trying, we hurt one another. And even though we are all dedicated to the project of community building (yes, we agree that we need each other), the reality is that we don’t actually like each other. It would be easier if we all liked each other. 

Sure, it’s messy. Conflict is normal, and we don’t always deal with our differences well. Not everyone is skilled in communications or has a high emotional intelligence. It’s likely that we’ll become disappointed. It’s easy to become discouraged, disillusioned. 

It works better when we offer humility, vulnerability, and agape love. It’s better when we stay open to conversion, growth. This means we have to accept that we can be wrong. Forgiveness can be heart-wrenching. None of this is easy. All of this is demanding, draining. 

Yet, this mission to build community has great value.  A quick social analysis and a read of “the signs of the times” helps us know how the Gospel activity of community building promotes a culture of life and proclaims hope to a hurting humanity. The epidemic of loneliness is serious and destructive. Studies reveal that loneliness is a major cause for extremism and violence. People get caught up in the wrong stuff, simply because they are searching for belonging and meaning like everyone else, and get swayed by lies and fear. I want to help create healthy alternatives to this horror. 

Indeed, community building is a very necessary messy Gospel activity. Christians are called to love their neighbors, yes, and we are also called to be hospitable and joyful. As we help others to feel welcome and allow the groups we’re part of to shift and grow, we’re giving witness to the value of building healthy communities. As we do, we become like salt, light, and a city on the hill (this is the reign of God we’re building you see) and we give the world hope. 

This means I’ll accept meetings as part of the package. I’ll say yes to the project of working together and sharing vulnerably. I must ask for help and work toward interdependent intentional shared life. Yes, I may be horribly flawed and weak, but that’s why I need others, why I need you, why we need one another. 

Above all, let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace. -1 Peter 4:8-10