Prayer in a Time of Chaos
I can’t anymore.
Sometimes urgently, sometimes softly but persistently, several times a day these words echo in my brain. They seem like an interruption and they need to be heard.
I can’t anymore.
In a world on fire, I am exhausted. As a spiritual director, I am a professional listener. Everyone I listen to right now is hurting. Currently I hear three levels of universal pain:
- We have our personal story of suffering: illness, transition, depression, anxiety, grief, confusion, loss, addiction, self-hatred, and other stressors press upon us.
- Our families and our circle of friends are in pain. Loved ones are dying, urgently ill, and emotionally destroyed. We are torn apart by miscommunication and division. We are struggling to make ends meet. My own Franciscan congregation had four sisters die in December; diminishment and radical change are making us face totally new decisions.
- As someone said, the world is a dumpster fire floating down a river! Each day the endless tragedies, violence, social disruption, murders, wars, and instability flood our hearts and souls. Our world is hurting.
Everyone I listen to is hurting on these three levels simultaneously. It is too much. I listen to the pain, and I realize that I respond by turning to work as a distraction. When I should be slowing down, I am speeding up–going in early, staying longer, adding responsibilities to the day, and barely making it through my schedule.
Then comes the voice: I can’t anymore.
But what if this urgent voice is a gift? God’s own Spirit coming down with a bit of hope. My body’s warning system is helping me calm and slow down. When I embrace the words and breathe into them, they shapeshift before my eyes. I can’t anymore. I choose life. I choose Christ. I choose reaching out to my loved ones and strangers in grace. I can’t go at this pace. I can’t neglect those cries I am hearing in the world. I can’t save the world. I can’t continue to suffer without asking for help.
We each have a built-in warning system, a gift from God, that helps us to slow down and reconnect. What is yours? As I listen, as people slow down and tell me what is on their hearts, I realize that prayer in a time of chaos is essential. As the noise around us grows, the whisper to connect with God is persistent.
Over New Years, I represented FSPA at the SEEK Conference in Columbus, Ohio. With over 17,000 Catholics, mostly college students, in attendance, the energy was welcoming and exciting. Together, we prayed, worshipped, sang, adored, connected, and listened. At our booth, we had a simple sign with some paper and a pen asking for prayer requests. Someone would see us from across the room and drift over as if drawn by a magnet. “Can I share a prayer request?” they would ask. Yes! Certainly! Together we would share and pray, dropping right down to what was most important for them.
I was walking at SEEK, when I was stopped by two young men. They worked for the conference center where it was being held. “Is there a booth for prayer here?” they asked. I smiled. “There are a lot of booths for prayer here.” But then I paused. “What is on your heart today?” They asked for prayers for their family, for stability, to be able to pay their bills, and make it through. So closing our eyes and raising my hands, right there in the hallway, I called them by name and we prayed. I cannot underestimate the gift these two young men were to me. They reminded me of real need, the power of connection, and the blessing of prayer.
What does it mean to pray in a time of chaos? Recently on the streets of Minneapolis, clergy from across the country prayed silently with their bodies in protest and were arrested.
Prayer today calls for courageous action, in the words of Jennifer Potter-Vig, who I listen to in the Spiritual Direction Preparation Program at the Franciscan Spirituality Center. She states boldly that God is a “presence that invites courageous action.” She explained to me that anyone who just uses prayer as words right now to check a box is making that prayer meaningless. What is needed today is brave healing in the context of community. We must “practice justice as a spiritual measure.” Because our world is on fire and everyone is hurting, prayer and justice, words and action, are welded together like never before.
As a Franciscan sister, I take seriously the St. Francis paraphrase: “Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” The overwhelm of our personal lives and communal reality calls for two things. We must put our bodies on the line. At the same time, we must listen to our bodies. Now we pray not just with words but with action. Though it may seem like a contradiction, showing up physically and listening to the deep wisdom of our bodies has always been the way to follow in the footprints of Jesus. It is time to breathe deeply, stay in the present, and surrender to God’s loving action.
I can’t anymore.
No, we can’t. We cannot stand for these injustices without action. We cannot look into our sisters’ and brothers’ eyes without praying. We cannot get through each day without taking gentle care of ourselves. Gently, slowly, breathing, we are living into a revolution of love.
Read more by this author and more about prayer in dark times at our website.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sarah Hennessey is a Franciscan Sister of Perpetual Adoration based in La Crosse, Wisconsin. She grew up in North Carolina as an active Quaker and became Catholic in 2000. For her, Jesus’ messy business includes falling in love with Christ AND with the People of God! Her heart is on fire for her Franciscan community, poetry and singing and accompanying people through birth, death and the living that comes in between. She currently ministers as a spiritual director at Franciscan Spirituality Center in La Crosse.
