hallow hope

Bored with the rosary beads

and anxiety of agendas

I gaze up from the corner chapel in my

9th floor imaginary tree house home.

My blurred vision moves from the cross to the obnoxious glow of the golden arches and

hallows the hope

that once was fire

warming my heart over the violent city.

Yet, I still seek to

drop

prayers of hope, faith, love, healing

like ironic bombs and blast the gang violence and super BOGO sales into garden compost piles.

I was in jail yesterday scammed with truth that sent seizures of confusion down my spine.

Prayer transforms into an awkward move:

tripping over my own feet- because celibacy is sometimes solo- I bruise as I dance

through the constant clashing hymn

“trust in the Lord with all your heart” and “give glory to God.”

I listen and I remember

the song offered harmony and grace before.

Today it hurts my ears.

The pacifist dreams are a war within.

I sob over (non-organic) coffee-stained non-profit grants

and realize the stench of hope is stale

because I am learning

the truth transpires and collides with the desire

to believe, bless, and be

loving presence around a cluttered holy supper table carved with “never simple, never clear.”

I yelp; my flesh bubbles, burned by the flame which jumped out of

the Sacred Heart pillar prayer candle.

As I cringe with “ew,” my spirit mysteriously stills and hears a hopeful Spirit whisper:

my body hurts.

I was in Kindergarten yesterday and I climbed over fences and sung happy made-up songs.

Laughing, I turn up the volume on the alleluia chorus

of “be not afraid” and “I am with you”

and let the hallow, hurting hope guide me back home to “Here I AM.”